Gobby's suicide letter

I manage to curi his suicide letter... below is how he wrote

这个问题小时候想过，也就那么一想，然后就忘了，只能说是一种好奇。人死了是什么样子呢？

现在又想自杀了。活着没有任何意义，现在活着只是为了父母，其他没有任何事情没有任何人值得我留恋。不想活着增加地球的负担，不想再看那么多的人，不想看那么多 的楼，喘不过气来。想出去旅游，但是到处人满为患。想出家当和尚，但是现在寺庙也只知道挣钱，全是假和尚。想找个安静的处所都是奢望。天天活的没有什么可 开心的。

小时候想过，想当电影里的英雄，想功成名就，想娶个贤惠的老婆，想过白头偕老，但是长大了，看明白了，这些都是人们的美好想象，像泡沫一样，只不过这个泡沫比较持久，美丽但是很脆弱。世界上没有永恒的这个情那个情，只有永恒的利益。这是人的劣根性也是社会的劣根性，谁也避免不了，谁 也不是神。

现在人们都在忙什么，忙忙碌碌的；又都在空虚什么，无所事事。人为什么要有情感，要有思想，为什么自寻烦恼。

我觉得我逐渐的有精神压抑，活着是精神分裂。总是在压抑自己，在强迫自己努力，但是目标渺茫，终究是为了什么，我也不知道。感觉很疲惫，身体累，心理更累，压抑的太久，又无法释放，只能继续压抑，像在一个黑暗的迷宫，没有出口。

怎么自杀？我想我会选择枪杀活着跳悬崖。不过枪杀比较容易，不会有什么意外失手。跳悬崖如果挂到树上就不好了，跳楼会砸到别人，不好。一瞬间的事情，从哪里 来，回哪里去，不带走任何多余的东西。从世界上小时，永远的停留在梦境，也是美好的，解脱了。我会等父母过世了再这么做的，那个时候就没有任何人为我伤 心。这样挺好的。我会带着一个问题去自杀，会带着一种考究的心理去自杀，看过CUBE这个电影么？人活在三维空间，但是理论上是有四维甚至多维空间的，人活在这个空间里，或许死了以后就会到另外的空间里去。自杀了，就什么都明白了。

我挺羡慕简单的生活，因为如果思维简单，就不会去想那么多复杂的问题，或许也不会想如何自杀，为什么自杀等等问题。人如果知道了太多的东西，对未来的预想知道的太多，会想的越多，然后就越复杂，越捉摸不透。但是这个世界充满了诱惑，充满了黄赌毒，充满了欺骗。活着的意义在哪里？

Translated version for those who cant read chinese

" I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems and I can't keep a gal in my life. I'm a failure in everything that is important to me. The only way out of this is to die.

How can I trust anyone? I want to say goodbye to mom and sis. You are my family and mean more to me than my life. I'm sorry I have caused you so many problems and fights. Mom I wish I could've been the person you and Dad wanted me to be. But I'm not handsome, athletic, or skinny. I know that you and Dad never wanted me when I was born and I wish like hell that I never was born. I can't do anything right and all I do is cause the rest of the family to fight.Why can't I have a talk with anyone. You're all so busy and here I sit.

Please someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore. I hurt so bad, what can I do? I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop.

Nobody cares why should I? I cause problems for everyone I care about so why should I stay. Why am I such a terrible person. Nothing I do is right. I don't understand. I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but oh I don't know. I'm so fat, ugly and stupid, how can I expect me to be able to do anything right? I've failed at everything.

There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces. "

He is so damn right that suicide is the only way for him although suicide he wont solved the problems but at least he no need to solve it right ? Cheers gobby ~

Perhaps citidel can solve your problem :D

"Pain" ball

Terrorist ? or Counter Terrorist ?


Anyone wanna war ? This is the first time in my life play this game. It's really really really tiring but very exciting. Yesterday, we have all together 16 commandos from all over KL gather together for this fight. There are few different stages from the small fighting area to the urban assault. We divided into 3 teams as below :-

"Kev,Juck,Estee,Khoo,OL" -- Team CCB

"Honey Chu, Christine, Boon Siew, CH, Hui Chen" -- Team KNS

"Jeat, Soon, Stefanie,Evyonne,SB,Foo" -- Team MKH

After few mins of briefing by the marshal, everyone were ready and the war started. Grats team CCB Champs!! kekekeke....

"8 brave ladies compete each other"

"commandos~"

After the game end, few of them injured from the bullets of our M-16 guns. Christine was one of the casualty with serious injury (too weak easily target).



"Christine: Who shoot me ?? i love it coz it looks like love bite!!"
"Foo: Me me me , me shoot you"


The whole game cost about RM 90 per-person so total about RM 1400 ++ . Everyone will have around 300 ++ bullets to shoot at your will. Overall rating is okay.

Environment : Best is jungle cause you can climb like a monkey.
Equipment : Mask busuk. (bring ur own perfume please)
Guns : Sometime stuck means u gonna get shoot.
Gears: No vest or glove provided.

For those who want to play may contact:-

Kem SI RIMBA
012-9272863
013-2777894
019-2433100

Camp Site:
Jalan Kampong Orang Asli,
Ulu Kemensah 68000 Hulu Klang
Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia
www.isirimba.net
abanglan@isirimba.net

Goodbye~ That's it... i QUIT !!!

24th October 2008, 4.30pm I decided to resign from my current position at Packet Systems. That's it, i had enough of suffering in this company. This is my first job since i graduated from college and surprising last me for more than 4 yrs ++. It's quite long actually and i never thought my first job will be last so long. The main reason and what makes me stay at PS for so long.... thanks to all my colleagues.

"Hong Kong/Macau Trip with PS" ~ Damn hot!!!

I am considered as one of the first generation engineers who worked for PS, until today only left Mr. FOO who fought together with me since the first day i joined PS. I'm glad to see him finally got his CCIE last month~ CCIE 21891 !! Everyone stand up and sallute!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right now PS engineers i also dunno how many generation liao.

"me, my dear mom, 9 ma, and xiao bai @ Japan"

For the past 4 yrs in PS, i learned a lot, from a small small small small small engineer and now transformed to small engineer. Hahahaha..... well for me we are all brothers in PS not engineer. We share or joy together, solve problems together and of cause we also share our sadness together.

"From Left:Soon&Jeat : PS kao sai lei la"
"Ken & me: Cabut liao!!"

Well, i'll definitely miss all the colleague when i left PS. My last day of work at PS will be on 14th of November 2008. Hope we will come out and lim teh la even though i am not working at PS anymore. Goodbye PS

Busy weekend

This weekend really busy like hell... Friday work after office hour, saturday morning 10am training at Juniper Network office after that work @ PJ till 8pm. Where is my life ?!?! No life at all.. Is time to find the way back into love~

Lately i m chasing this TVB drama call 與敵同行. Not bad ~

who want to watch can ping me i can copy and send it to you :p

Chillout @ No Black Tie

I never been to such place to chill, where you can sit there drinks and listen to live-band Jazz music, sounds like an old man. The place is a bit small with simple wooden-based design and the dim light setting is just nice to capture the moment of the Jazz music. They have a list of schedule where different kind of live band performing the music. Yesterday the drummer steal the show, it was marvelous.

"Kevo ordering drinks while ET (macam tahu sial) trying to enjoy"

It's quite expensive, without any drinks or food you will need to pay RM 30 something like entrance fee. Drinks you need to pay another RM 30 for cocktail or wine. I can drink 5 starbucks coffee !!! Damn....

some info/location just in case you want go out with musical chics :p

Venue: No Black Tie
17, Jalan Mesui, Off Jalan Nagasari, Off Jalan Raja Chulan
Kuala Lumpur
Tickets : RM 30
Contact : 03-2142 3737 (call after 5pm)

Training training and training

Having this 5 days training for the product call Bluecoat. What is bluecoat ? I guess not many people know about it unless you are from IT background. Blue Coat Systems, Inc., founded in 1996 in US. Blue Coat secures Web communications and accelerates business applications across the distributed enterprise. Basically it speed up and secure your daily uses of application in your PC which related to work or not.

Well i miss my cubicle in office liao... getting bored cause i am the only one that send by my company to train at bluecoat office. After this training i know 100% got new customer is using it and they need someone to do it :(

oh nooooooooooo...................

I am robot.

Lately i am not having good night sleep due to many problems troubling my mind. I been working late night again and again and again without a good rest. In a short period of 4 days, my OT claim already more than 30 hours ! which means i m over-worked for 7 hours per day. Ohh gosh... this is terrible!! This proved that i m so not productivity... I am like a robot that run without battery. I am losing weight from 75 kg to 68kg now... How how how ?